10 Movies to Avoid

If I gave you the following list of movies, I wonder what you would think in advance, before I told you what the list was about? Are they some of your favorite movies of all time? Top grossing movies of all time? Most loved movies of all times? Well all of those things may be right, but to me they are 10 of the most over rated pieces of film crap ever made.

#10 - The Happening
This movie really should be the number one movie on the list for me. I thought it was going to be awesome judging from M. Night Shyamalan's previous works. But this movie just sucked. I had an idea it was going to suck almost at the opening credits. But by the time the first scene is over and the main character (Mark Wahlberg) is introduced, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it sucked. It has the worst acting of any movie ever. And that is saying a lot. Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, and John Leguizamo are usually great actors. And the reason this movie is #10 and not #1 is because I think I was the only one left in the world who still thought highly of M. Night after his last movie The Lady in the Water.

#9 - Donnie Darko
If for some reason your spouse comes home with this movie, claiming that someone at work thinks this is the best movie ever made, and you should watch it. Get a divorce first. This movie is that bad. If you want to watch a movie with a man dressed in a giant rabbit suit fucking with somebodies life, rent Harvey. If I thought more people have heard of this movie I would make it #2. But fortunately whenever I bring up this movie, most people don't have a clue what I am talking about. Well I could say that about anything really.

#8 - The Matrix Reloaded & The Matrix Revolutions
These two movies count as one, they were filmed at the same time, and released just a few months apart. I was surprised by The Matrix. I know Keanu can't act his way out of a wet paper bag, but he did a good job in the first one. These other two movies however, are just awful. Bad acting, a bad story line, and bad direction. Neo is a zero.

#7 - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest & Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
These two movies are even more disappointing than the Matrix sequels. The first one was so good, a jolly good adventure. But I defy anyone to write a synopsis of the last two movies that is less than 10,000 words. What an unnecessary convoluted mess.

#6 -Napoleon Dynamite
What a stupid movie. I love offbeat comedies, but this is just ignorant. Everyone I tell this to, always, always, always, tell me the same thing, "You have to watch it more than once." How in the fuck did you sit through it the first time? Vote yes for Pedro? I would rather vote yes for Bush.

#5 - No Country for Old Men
This movie was so disappointing. It had everything, the Cohen Brothers, Tommy Lee Jones, Woody Harrelson, even a sadistic hit man with a pneumatic cylinder. What more could you ask for in a movie? Nothing you would think. Well how about an extra 5 minutes to finish the damn story! Never have I been so enthralled in a movie, and then just have it pull the rug out from under my feet and suddenly end. Eavesdrop for a second on me watching this movie. "......Credits? Credits? Why the fuck are they rolling the credits in the middle of the movie. What the fuck!?! That can't be the end. Nikki was there another disc that came with this movie? Son of a Bit......" Tails hombre.

#4 - Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
I know some nerd with a plastic light saber is out there plotting my death right now, but this movie was such a let down. As soon as the latest three movies in the series were announced, I was pumped. I think everyone started salivating about getting the chance to see how Luke's dad went from an honorable Jedi night to one of Hollywood's baddest, badasses. But that part of the story just gets glossed over. Lucas blinds us with startling special effects, and great acting, but the story just isn't there. These aren't the droids movies your looking for.

#3 - Fight Club
I just don't get everyone's fascination with this movie. I guess because it has somewhat of a twist at the end. The problem was, I guessed what the twist was about 30 minutes into the movie. Movies just suck when that happens. I talked a friend into watching the Usual Suspects over the weekend and he didn't like it. (It is one of my favorite movies of all time) He said he figured out early on who Keyser Soze was and it made the movie less interesting. Imagine if you knew right away that Bruce Willis is dead at the beginning of the Sixth Sense. If you didn't know by now and haven't seen Sixth Sense, don't, I just ruined it for you. What happens in fight club....... is just stupid.

#2 - E.T.
Just because this movie came out when you were a kid and it made millions of dollars, does not make this a good movie. If you want something sickly sweet, go suck on a hummingbird feeder. And the same goes for the movie Big.

#1- 2001: A Space Odyssey
Here is another movie that starts out great. You have monkeys discovering how to club each other in the head, an iconic soundtrack that whips us and the monkeys into a frenzy, and then the mysterious obelisk. Cue the music. Da Da Daaa, Da Da Daaa, DAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Its just like great sex. You have a big black phallus, monkeys screaming, and then the money shot of the bone flying through the air. Well, sex at my house anyway. And then comes the cuddling. Two, long, drawn out hours, of cuddling. Couldn't have Kubrik given the ape a cigarette and called it a day? The rest of the movie is just boring.