If the bible Had Comments

Crazy christers on Homosexuals

Oh That's Why

Ten Signs You Are a Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Ta Dah!!!

Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis

It's Sunday lets sing some hymns. Here is today's hymn, from the book of Schwartz.

Ad for Religion

Act now and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu knives.

jesus and the Antichrist

The Last Supper

I found this on Pharyngula

Sunday School

It's time for another bible lesson. This weeks guest speaker is The Friendly Atheist, which is home to a great blog.

Illustrated Stories from the Bible

That’s from 2 Kings 2:24, by the way.

Let’s see what else is inside…

Go to the Friendly Atheist for the whole article

Dinosuars in the Bible

The Passion of Boots Randolph

Genius of Darwin - Part 3

Watch all 5 parts of this episode at YouTube.

Sunday School

It's Sunday, time for another bible lesson. Be sure to go to Cracked.com for a great unedited version.

From Cracked.com

The 6 Raunchiest, Most Depraved Sex Act From the bible

#6 Lot

4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. 5 And they called to Lot, Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them. 6 Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, 7 and said, I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. 8 Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.

30 Now Lot went up out of Zoar and lived in the hills with his two daughters, for he was afraid to live in Zoar. So he lived in a cave with his two daughters. 31 And the firstborn said to the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father. 33 So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father. He did not know when she lay down or when she arose.

34 The next day, the firstborn said to the younger, Behold, I lay last night with my father. Let us make him drink wine tonight also. Then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father. 35 So they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father.

#5 Jacob, Two Sisters, and a Handmaid

21 Then Jacob said to Laban, Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed. 22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. 23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. 24 (Laban gave [1] his female servant Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her servant.) 25 And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me? 26 Laban said, It is not so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. 27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years. 28 Jacob did so, and completed her week. Then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife.

#4 Onan's Semen

8 Then Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother. 9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother's wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. 10 And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

#3 Tamar Bangs Two Brothers and Now their Dad

15 When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. 16 He turned to her at the roadside and said, Come, let me come in to you, for he did not know that she was his daughter-in-law. She said, What will you give me, that you may come in to me?

#2 Solomon's Pornographic Song

4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.5 I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. 6 I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone:

#1 (This is my favorite(?) not from cracked.com) Here Rape My Daughter

2 As they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, worthless fellows, surrounded the house, beating on the door. And they said to the old man, the master of the house, Bring out the man who came into your house, that we may know him. 23 And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them, No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly; since this man has come into my house, do not do this vile thing. 24 Behold, here are my virgin daughter and his concubine. Let me bring them out now. Violate them and do with them what seems good to you, but against this man do not do this outrageous thing. 25 But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine and made her go out to them. And they knew her and abused her all night until the morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go. 26 And as morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man's house where her master was, until it was light.

27 And her master rose up in the morning, and when he opened the doors of the house and went out to go on his way, behold, there was his concubine lying at the door of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, Get up, let us be going. But there was no answer. Then he put her on the donkey, and the man rose up and went away to his home. 29 And when he entered his house, he took a knife, and taking hold of his concubine he divided her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of Israel. 22 As they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, worthless fellows, surrounded the house, beating on the door. And they said to the old man, the master of the house, Bring out the man who came into your house, that we may know him. 23 And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them, No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly; since this man has come into my house, do not do this vile thing. 24 Behold,here are my virgin daughter and his concubine. Let me bring them out now. Violate them and do with them what seems good to you, but against this man do not do this outrageous thing. 25 But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine and made her go out to them. And they knew her and abused her all night until the morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go. 26 And as morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man's house where her master was, until it was light. 27 And her master rose up in the morning, and when he opened the doors of the house and went out to go on his way, behold, there was his concubine lying at the door of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, Get up, let us be going. But there was no answer. Then he put her on the donkey, and the man rose up and went away to his home. 29 And when he entered his house, he took a knife, and taking hold of his concubine he divided her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of Israel.

You Can Hang Out With All the Boys

Look at this picture and then read these lyrics and try not to chuckle. Especially at the "Young man, get yourself off the ground."

Young man, there's no need to feel down.

I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.

I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town

There's no need to be unhappy.


Young man, there's a place you can go.

I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.

You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time.


It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.


They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys ...


It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.


You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,

You can do whatever you feel ...


Young man, are you listening to me?

I said, young man, what do you want to be?

I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.

But you got to know this one thing!


No man does it all by himself.

I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,

And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.

I'm sure they can help you today.


It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.


They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys ...


It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.


You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,

You can do whatever you feel ...


Young man, I was once in your shoes.

I said, I was down and out with the blues.

I felt no man cared if I were alive.

I felt the whole world was so tight ...


That's when someone came up to me,

And said, young man, take a walk up the street.

There's a place there called the y.m.c.a.

They can start you back on your way.


It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.


They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys ...


Y-m-c-a ... you'll find it at the y-m-c-a.


Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down.

Young man, young man, get yourself off the ground.


Y-m-c-a ... you'll find it at the y-m-c-a.


Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down.

Young man, young man, get yourself off the ground.


Y-m-c-a ... just go to the y-m-c-a.


Young man, young man, are you listening to me?

Young man, young man, what do you wanna be?

Godly Delusional

I used to be this delusional. I was convinced that god would interfere with the most mundane things in my life, but yet I never expected god to fix the big things in life, like war and poverty. For some reason I worshiped a god that was so oblivious, or so non-caring, that I, measly old me, had to pray over every little detail in my life or it would all go haywire. God just didn't care or wasn't paying attention, unless I, the great decider of all things that should go right, prayed over them. Believers will argue that god just wants some acknowledgment for his benevolence, but I think their god is just lazy.

Great Video

Bible Lessons

It's Sunday so let's have a bible lesson.

Penn & Teller; The Bible is Bullshit. - video powered by Metacafe

christian Group Publishes Porn

In Uniontown Indiana an adult book store has caused quite an uproar. Aptly named the Lion's Den, the store has tried to sacrifice the christian protesters that hassle their customers.

A group of religious nuts have illegally set up a wooden shed and a giant cross on a piece of public land next to the Lion's Den, in an attempt to shame all of the Den's customers, by taking the patron's picture and publishing the pictures on the internet.

Here are some of my favorites, found on their web site War-Line.org

These pictures look to me like the kind of thing you would find inside the Lion's Den, not on a christian web site.

Not only do they sell books, they sell these:

Every Sperm is Sacred

These people need a different hobby.

Woman, 44, gives birth to her 18th child in Canada

A Romanian immigrant has given birth to her 18th child in British Columbia, making her the province's most prolific mother in 20 years.

Proud dad Alexandru Ionce said Saturday that his 44-year-old wife, Livia, gave birth on Tuesday. Their daughter Abigail weighed in at seven pounds, 12 ounces.

"We never planned how many children to have. We just let God guide our lives, you know, because we strongly believe life comes from God and that's the reason we did not stop the life," said Alexandru Ionce.

The couple immigrated to Canada from Romania in 1990 and now live in Abbotsford, British Columbia. Their 17 other children range in age from 20 months to 23 years old.

Ionce said he did not know if the couple would have more children. The family now has 10 girls and eight boys.

"We would have liked a boy to be even," he said. "We thank God all of them are healthy and happy."

Ionce said the family has received calls from Germany, Romania and England, as well as from media outlets across Canada.

The man obviously worked in a paper bag factory.

Nothing Fails Like Prayer

Groups to pray for lower prices at gas stations

Mon Jul 28, 3:41 PM ET

Two prayer services will be held at St. Louis gas stations to thank God for lower fuel prices and to ask that they continue to drop. Darrell Alexander, Midwest co-chair of the Pray at the Pump movement, says prayer gatherings will be held Monday afternoon and evening at a Mobil station west of downtown St. Louis.

Participants say they plan to buy gas, pray and then sing "We Shall Overcome" with a new verse, "We'll have lower gas prices."

An activist from the Washington D.C. area, Rocky Twyman, started the effort, saying if politicians couldn't lower gas prices, it was time to ask God to intervene.

The group thinks the prayer is helping, saying prices are starting to fall below $4 a gallon.

How about praying for god to cure some amputees. Oh wait god hates amputees.





From Why Won't God Heal Amputees (This is a little long but well worth the read, and I cut a little out)

Does God answer prayers? According to believers, the answer is certainly yes.

For example, at any Christian bookstore you can find hundreds of books about the power of prayer. On the Internet you can find thousands of testimonials to the many ways that God works in our lives today. Even large city newspapers and national magazines run stories about answered prayers. God seems to be interacting with our world and answering millions of prayers on planet Earth every day.

God's power often can be quite dramatic. Take, for example, this story from Marilyn Hickey Ministries:

Prayer is a communication system we have available to fellowship with our heavenly Father and which activates His promises in our lives. No one can beat this system. It's quick. It's efficient. And it's available to you right now! Prayer reaches our heavenly Father instantly. Years ago my mother's doctors found a tumor in her brain. When I heard the news, I was out of town so I could not lay my hands on her. That night as fear swept over me, the Lord quickened Psalms 107:20 to my spirit: "He sent his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." I sent God's Word long distance to my mother's brain. When she was X-rayed again by her doctors, there was no evidence that any tumor had ever existed! Hallelujah! Our prayers are swifter than any medical technique. Only born again believers who have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord can have a relationship with the Father and prayer is the communication method you must use to develop that relationship. [ref]

Stories like these can be easily found all over the Web.

How Prayer Works

For believers, it is obvious why so many prayers are answered. In the Bible, Jesus promises many times that he will answer our prayers. For example, in Matthew 7:7 Jesus says:

Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

Ask and you will receive. What could be simpler than that?

In Matthew 17:20 Jesus reiterates that same message:

For truly, I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.

Since a mustard seed is a tiny inanimate object about the size of a grain of salt, it is easy to imagine that the faith of a mustard seed is fairly small. So, paraphrasing, what Jesus is saying is that if you have the tiniest bit of faith, you can move mountains...........

....The miracle of Jeanna Giese
There are so many examples of the power of prayer, but one in particular deserves special consideration because it is so well documented. In December of 2004 a girl named Jeanna Giese survived a bite from a rabid bat through prayer. Hundreds of newspapers (including the Raleigh News and Observer in my home town) ran stories about the miracle of her recovery with headlines such as "Rabies girl in miracle recovery." In Raleigh, the headline was "Web weaves global prayer circle - Petitions circle the world as girl beats rare case of rabies." [Source: by Sharon Roznik, Raleigh News and Observer, December 17, 2004]

The summary of the story goes like this. Jeanna was in a church service in Wisconsin when a brown bat fell into the aisle. She picked the bat up and carried it outside. No one gave it a second thought.

A month later it was obvious that something was wrong. Soon Jeanna had a full case of rabies. No human has ever survived this disease without being vaccinated. Up until 2004, full-blown rabies had been 100% fatal.

According to the article, a global prayer circle helped Jeanna survive. Once she got sick, Jeanna's father called friends and asked them to pray for Jeanna. People around the world heard about her story through the press and by word of mouth. They prayed. They sent emails. They passed the word along. Millions of people heard about Jeanna's plight and they said prayers for her.

And the prayer circle worked. Through the power of God, Jeanna recovered. Jeanna was the first human to survive rabies without the vaccine.

Dr. Charles Rupprecht of the CDC in Atlanta called Jeanna's case a miracle. The family and everyone in Jeanna's huge, global prayer circle know that God heard their prayers and answered them.

This is amazing stuff. The dictionary defines a miracle as "An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God." [ref] So we must ask a fundamental question: Did an all-loving, all-powerful God hear the prayers from Jeanna's worldwide prayer circle and then reach down from heaven to help Jeanna? Did God actually interact with Jeanna's body, making the impossible happen and curing her case of rabies through a divine miracle?

Or did something else happen?

We can actually answer this question with a simple experiment....

A simple experiment

For this experiment, we need to find a deserving person who has had both of his legs amputated. For example, find a sincere, devout veteran of the Iraqi war, or a person who was involved in a tragic automobile accident.

Now create a prayer circle like the one created for Jeanna Giese. The job of this prayer circle is simple: pray to God to restore the amputated legs of this deserving person. I do not mean to pray for a team of renowned surgeons to somehow graft the legs of a cadaver onto the soldier, nor for a team of renowned scientists to craft mechanical legs for him. Pray that God spontaneously and miraculously restores the soldier's legs overnight, in the same way that God spontaneously and miraculously cured Jeanna Giese and Marilyn Hickey's mother.

If possible, get millions of people all over the planet to join the prayer circle and pray their most fervent prayers. Get millions of people praying in unison for a single miracle for this one deserving amputee. Then stand back and watch.

What is going to happen? Jesus clearly says that if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. He does not say it once -- he says it many times in many ways in the Bible.

And yet, even with millions of people praying, nothing will happen.....

Read the whole article at Why Won't God Heal Amputees